Blah Blah Blah Apocryphal Tale
"Revenge, I'm screaming revenge again. Wrong, I've been wrong for far too long. Been constantly so frustrated; I've moved mountains with less. When I channel my hate to productive, I don't find it hard to impress."
One of the things about not smoking, about trying to watch what I eat, about putting myself through the torture of the bike and the gym every day, about being unable to extricate myself from the clutches of the USCIS without first giving them still more money, tracking down more forms I've never been given, answering questions I don't understand, and being made to wait and wait and wait and fucking wait...one of the things about this state of affairs is that it tends to make one irritable.
Yesterday, for example, we added up the cost of this latest round of forms and found that it was in the region of $600. This, by the way, is if I don't leave the country while my Status is being Adjusted. That costs an additional $170. That's right, even though we were made to pay an extortionate amount of money to get me here in the first place, even though the USA still actually regards me as a visitor, I'm not allowed to leave unless I pay them for the privilege. That is, unless I do something illegal, in which case I'll be deported at the taxpayer's expense.
All of which makes about as much sense as anything else related to this whole Visa process. For example, I had a medical and enough different injections to constitute attempted murder as a part of the process I went through to get a visa in the first place. Now, however, I'm expected to go through it again as part of the Adjustment Of Status. But that's okay, because they know I've had the medical and the injections, otherwise I wouldn't be here, right? Wrong. You see, nothing's ever that simple and logical. What I have to do is present proof of my inoculations to a civil surgeon. This information should be in my medical records. But get this, my GP in the UK lost my medical records when they switched over to a New And Improved system of keeping said records. I know this because four months ago I had to have four inoculations I knew for a fact I'd had before simply because I couldn't prove I'd had them. This cost me eighty pounds or approximately $130. Amazingly, my current situation of having nothing to prove I've had those inoculations twice except a receipt for the aforementioned payment, might mean going through the needle thing a third time. At my own expense.
You know, heaven forbid somebody from the Nuffield hospital in Birmingham send an e-mail to somebody at the Chicago office of the USCIS saying "Dear Bureaucratic Fucker, Michael is more immune than anybody I have ever met. Yours sincerely, Money-Grubbing Bastard."
In about two years time, I'll be a permanent resident of the United States. I'll probably also be destitute. And I'll have had so many injections that I will, in fact, be immortal.
Oh, and while we're here, and while I'm angry, let's get back to a pet hate of mine from some time ago. Remember Lynne Truss? She wrote Eats, Shoots & Leaves, the oh-so-hilarious-and-relevant ramble about declining standards in grammar and punctuation. It was a big hit at the time, mainly because of the terrifying decline in the standard of written and spoken English in both the UK and the United States. Of course, rather than going out and actually doing something about a very real problem - like, say, spending a little money on certain woeful education systems - people went out and bought a twee and trendy book instead. Nice work, Lynne.
So it's come to my attention that Lynne Truss has just bought out a new book entitled Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door. I'm not going to link it, because that might encourage some of you to go and buy the thing. Just so you don't, I shall, without reading any of it, summarise for you:
"People are rude. They don't say 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me' anymore. They talk on mobile phones in situations where it's rude to do so. Blah blah blah apocryphal tale. Blah blah blah historical aside. Blah Blah Blah witty riposte. People are rude. The End."
Earth-shattering. Truly. The scales have fallen from my fucking eyes, Lynne. Feel free to take your place alongside JK Rowling as one of the voices of the civilised world, a world that now appears to be made up entirely of children who need to be told how to behave and read fairytales before bed.
I'm done.
One of the things about not smoking, about trying to watch what I eat, about putting myself through the torture of the bike and the gym every day, about being unable to extricate myself from the clutches of the USCIS without first giving them still more money, tracking down more forms I've never been given, answering questions I don't understand, and being made to wait and wait and wait and fucking wait...one of the things about this state of affairs is that it tends to make one irritable.
Yesterday, for example, we added up the cost of this latest round of forms and found that it was in the region of $600. This, by the way, is if I don't leave the country while my Status is being Adjusted. That costs an additional $170. That's right, even though we were made to pay an extortionate amount of money to get me here in the first place, even though the USA still actually regards me as a visitor, I'm not allowed to leave unless I pay them for the privilege. That is, unless I do something illegal, in which case I'll be deported at the taxpayer's expense.
All of which makes about as much sense as anything else related to this whole Visa process. For example, I had a medical and enough different injections to constitute attempted murder as a part of the process I went through to get a visa in the first place. Now, however, I'm expected to go through it again as part of the Adjustment Of Status. But that's okay, because they know I've had the medical and the injections, otherwise I wouldn't be here, right? Wrong. You see, nothing's ever that simple and logical. What I have to do is present proof of my inoculations to a civil surgeon. This information should be in my medical records. But get this, my GP in the UK lost my medical records when they switched over to a New And Improved system of keeping said records. I know this because four months ago I had to have four inoculations I knew for a fact I'd had before simply because I couldn't prove I'd had them. This cost me eighty pounds or approximately $130. Amazingly, my current situation of having nothing to prove I've had those inoculations twice except a receipt for the aforementioned payment, might mean going through the needle thing a third time. At my own expense.
You know, heaven forbid somebody from the Nuffield hospital in Birmingham send an e-mail to somebody at the Chicago office of the USCIS saying "Dear Bureaucratic Fucker, Michael is more immune than anybody I have ever met. Yours sincerely, Money-Grubbing Bastard."
In about two years time, I'll be a permanent resident of the United States. I'll probably also be destitute. And I'll have had so many injections that I will, in fact, be immortal.
Oh, and while we're here, and while I'm angry, let's get back to a pet hate of mine from some time ago. Remember Lynne Truss? She wrote Eats, Shoots & Leaves, the oh-so-hilarious-and-relevant ramble about declining standards in grammar and punctuation. It was a big hit at the time, mainly because of the terrifying decline in the standard of written and spoken English in both the UK and the United States. Of course, rather than going out and actually doing something about a very real problem - like, say, spending a little money on certain woeful education systems - people went out and bought a twee and trendy book instead. Nice work, Lynne.
So it's come to my attention that Lynne Truss has just bought out a new book entitled Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door. I'm not going to link it, because that might encourage some of you to go and buy the thing. Just so you don't, I shall, without reading any of it, summarise for you:
"People are rude. They don't say 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me' anymore. They talk on mobile phones in situations where it's rude to do so. Blah blah blah apocryphal tale. Blah blah blah historical aside. Blah Blah Blah witty riposte. People are rude. The End."
Earth-shattering. Truly. The scales have fallen from my fucking eyes, Lynne. Feel free to take your place alongside JK Rowling as one of the voices of the civilised world, a world that now appears to be made up entirely of children who need to be told how to behave and read fairytales before bed.
I'm done.
posted by Michael at 6:37 PM
2 Comments:
As you know, I too am in a seemingly permanent state of limbo. I've found it has made slowly give less of a shit about what I'm waiting for. That's actually a good thing as I'm too goal-driven and don't live in the present enough.
Perhaps a book entitled, "You too can read" would tickle the ivories of the ever so cosuming public.
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