Five-Word Reviews

"Gentlemen, if you're going to preach, for God's sake preach with conviction."

I'm planning a rather large post, but it needs a little more time to gestate. Thursday was our wedding anniversary, so Jenn and I are in the middle of a four day weekend which I will not interrupt with serious thoughts. We went to the Cheesecake Factory Thursday night, where I ate the fattest burger the world has ever seen (seriously, that motherfucker was like two inches thick, and it screamed when I bit into it) and still had room for a white chocolate, peanut butter, and truffle cheesecake. I'm not normally so enthused by food, but the diet and the gym-time has taken its toll, and now anything with fat and/or sugar makes me bounce with joy.

Anyway, today is Saturday, and Saturday is the day that Jenn and I say fuck you to our various attempts to quit various things. We get a bottle of bourbon and a bunch of movies, order take-out, and veg. This means that I have seen just about all the interesting new DVD releases that have come out in the past few months. SO...it's five-word review time. Let us rumble...

The Ice Harvest: Nothing to write home about.

Walk The Line: Not as great as promised.

Jarhead: Quite underrated, would you believe?

Goodnight, And Good Luck: Sadly, a little lacking in feeling.

A History Of Violence: Critically acclaimed why? This sucked.

Capote: Hoffman great, film above average.

Brokeback Mountain: Unremarkable, except for the cinematography.

Broken Flowers: Slow moving, but not bad.

King Kong: Why the fuss? It's shit.

Serenity: Best sci-fi flick in forever.

Wallace And Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit: This was actually really funny.

The Family Stone: Sarah Jessica Parker is Satan.

Match Point: Oh, my God. Woody, why?

The Aristocrats: Patchy but fun, I guess.

Everything Is Illuminated: This was absolutely the shit.

And there you have it.