...And God Wept
"I was born whole. Fractured, divided, shattered into a billion fragments; A million piece puzzle; A million piece jigsaw puzzle with no this and no that."
So I got a little bored after Jennifer went offline this morning and started fucking around with the feature Blogger replaced their banner ads with a little while back. Now, don't get me wrong here, I hated those banner ads and coded over them just as soon as I figured out how. With this new feature (which you can see at the top of the page), it's possible to jump to a randomly selected blog or even search for specific keywords. That's both more interesting and less intrusive than a big fat ad splashed over the top of your page, and I salute Blogger for taking a step away from the evil corporate influence that presides over pretty much everything that comes free on the internet nowadays, with the shining exception of those lovely folk over at Mozilla and anybody that thinks like them.
However, taking the step of actually clicking on the 'next blog' button in the top right hand corner of this screen is something marginally less exciting than the lottery you might be expecting. In fact, chances are you'll get one of the following things:
1. A page written by somebody who is clearly around twelve years old and unable to type in anything that isn't text/chat shorthand, exposing you to the joys of trying to read something filled with stuff like: "Hey guyz!!wazup??well..2dae was a very irritating dae 4 me..coz..dose biatch..find trouble wif me!!havent dey have enof??i said i wont disturb dem..so y disturb me??dey got problems wif thier studip brainz!!dono how 2 tink!!if dey r na students,dey should have brains n common sense!!dey juz irritate me!!can take it animore!!" (I copied and pasted this from an ACTUAL BLOG).
2. A blog that has been created not to assail the reader with insightful opinions and a view into the life of a random and possibly interesting person, but one covered in keywords and links to commercial sites that are simply taking advantage of the opportunity offered by the good people of Blogger in order to make some more money or attract the unsuspecting surfer to their page of porn and spyware.
3. A page that is dedicated, in some way, to Jesus. Again, don't get me wrong. I am more than tolerant of those that hold religious beliefs and more than willing to engage in calm and reasoned debate. But fundamentalists and ignorants just piss me off. Go spread your intolerant words of barely-masked hatred and bitterness elsewhere. I do not want your page to pop up when someone clicks a link from NFADR. The very idea sickens me.
4. Something in a language either you or your computer cannot read. I'm fairly sure this is covered in the Blogger sign-up bit, so if I'm logged in, surely I can be directed away from pages you KNOW I'm not going to be able to decipher.
5. A page created by somebody who appears to have copied and pasted random HTML from all over the place so that my screen looks like I've projectile vomited on it and then practiced my fingerpainting in the resulting mess.
6. A blog that somebody has created and then never bothered posting on.
7. A blog that was abandoned years ago.
8. Maybe, just maybe, something half-coherent and vaguely interesting. But don't bet on it.
Yup, if Blogger's newest little plaything is to be believed, I'm surrounded by morons, illiterates, fundamentalists, corporate scumbags, people I don't understand, slackers, psychopaths, sociopaths, and the occasional bright shining light of comprehension.
Well shit, maybe it's more accurate than I thought.
So I got a little bored after Jennifer went offline this morning and started fucking around with the feature Blogger replaced their banner ads with a little while back. Now, don't get me wrong here, I hated those banner ads and coded over them just as soon as I figured out how. With this new feature (which you can see at the top of the page), it's possible to jump to a randomly selected blog or even search for specific keywords. That's both more interesting and less intrusive than a big fat ad splashed over the top of your page, and I salute Blogger for taking a step away from the evil corporate influence that presides over pretty much everything that comes free on the internet nowadays, with the shining exception of those lovely folk over at Mozilla and anybody that thinks like them.
However, taking the step of actually clicking on the 'next blog' button in the top right hand corner of this screen is something marginally less exciting than the lottery you might be expecting. In fact, chances are you'll get one of the following things:
1. A page written by somebody who is clearly around twelve years old and unable to type in anything that isn't text/chat shorthand, exposing you to the joys of trying to read something filled with stuff like: "Hey guyz!!wazup??well..2dae was a very irritating dae 4 me..coz..dose biatch..find trouble wif me!!havent dey have enof??i said i wont disturb dem..so y disturb me??dey got problems wif thier studip brainz!!dono how 2 tink!!if dey r na students,dey should have brains n common sense!!dey juz irritate me!!can take it animore!!" (I copied and pasted this from an ACTUAL BLOG).
2. A blog that has been created not to assail the reader with insightful opinions and a view into the life of a random and possibly interesting person, but one covered in keywords and links to commercial sites that are simply taking advantage of the opportunity offered by the good people of Blogger in order to make some more money or attract the unsuspecting surfer to their page of porn and spyware.
3. A page that is dedicated, in some way, to Jesus. Again, don't get me wrong. I am more than tolerant of those that hold religious beliefs and more than willing to engage in calm and reasoned debate. But fundamentalists and ignorants just piss me off. Go spread your intolerant words of barely-masked hatred and bitterness elsewhere. I do not want your page to pop up when someone clicks a link from NFADR. The very idea sickens me.
4. Something in a language either you or your computer cannot read. I'm fairly sure this is covered in the Blogger sign-up bit, so if I'm logged in, surely I can be directed away from pages you KNOW I'm not going to be able to decipher.
5. A page created by somebody who appears to have copied and pasted random HTML from all over the place so that my screen looks like I've projectile vomited on it and then practiced my fingerpainting in the resulting mess.
6. A blog that somebody has created and then never bothered posting on.
7. A blog that was abandoned years ago.
8. Maybe, just maybe, something half-coherent and vaguely interesting. But don't bet on it.
Yup, if Blogger's newest little plaything is to be believed, I'm surrounded by morons, illiterates, fundamentalists, corporate scumbags, people I don't understand, slackers, psychopaths, sociopaths, and the occasional bright shining light of comprehension.
Well shit, maybe it's more accurate than I thought.
posted by Michael at 7:10 PM
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