The Magician's Nod
"I live cement. I hate this street. Give dirt to me. I bite lament. This human form where I was born, I now repent."
I thought I might dedicate yet another blog entry to the wonderful, wonderful leaflets and posters that are aimed at the staff of my current employers, Toby. Indeed, I was perusing one particular poster during a cigarette break today and found myself somewhat puzzled by a request that I use the 'Magician's Nod'.
The what?
Of course, I immediately sought out drone-director Steve in order to ask him about this strange phrase. Being rather hot on the vagaries of Toby's weird customer service terminology, he immediately located a print-out on the very subject. So...for the benefit of those that have never visited a Toby Carvery, I now intend to reveal to you one of its most closely-guarded secrets.
When offering customers drinks or food in any establishment, staff are trained in the arts of both suggestive selling ("would you like some wine with your main course?") and up-selling ("Can I interest you in a larger glass? It works out cheaper"). These techniques benefit profits in a rather obvious way, but they aren't always effective, especially when dealing with regulars. This is where the Magician's Nod comes in. You see, offering a customer that 350ml glass of wine is all well and good, but if you offer it whilst engaging in a subtle nodding gesture, they're more likely to go for it.
I'm not even close to joking. Really. There is no doubt in my mind that the ultra-futuristic psychology department of Toby has spent many thousands of pounds and hours in figuring out that this little trick, this cunning incline of chin toward chest, is irresistible to even the most cynical of customers. Indeed, so powerful is this nod, that they could only refer to it as MAGIC.
What could I do but try it out? You see, every Sunday night, we have a group of customers that stay beyond their welcome and simply will not leave until a manager comes out and tells them that they're breaking the law and will be barred from the premises unless they depart post-haste. If the Magician's Nod can make people do things they might not be inclined to do otherwise, I reasoned, then why not give it a whirl with these fuckers? After all, I had nothing to lose.
***
INT. TOBY CARVERY - CLOSING TIME.
The bar is empty. DRONE SAM is cleaning tables whilst DRONE MICHAEL runs glasses through the washer and occasionally glances over at a table in the far corner, where six ANNOYING CUSTOMERS are still seated before full glasses. It is ten-to-eleven, and time they were leaving. DRONE MICHAEL glances at DRONE SAM and she purses her lips to indicate that she shares his displeasure. On this particular Sunday night, though, DRONE MICHAEL has a plan.
The camera stays with our hero as he makes his way across the bar and approaches the ANNOYING CUSTOMERS. Their SPOKESWOMAN looks up when she sees him coming.
SPOKESWOMAN: Oh, here he comes...
There is general laughter amongst the ANNOYING CUSTOMERS.
DRONE MICHAEL: (Firm yet polite) I'm sorry, guys, I can only give you five more minutes and then I'm coming for your glasses, so can you be finishing up, please?
DRONE MICHAEL punctuates his words with a subtle yet very definite nodding of his head. In the silence of the bar, we hear a background noise not unlike that you might get if you were to just barely brush a set of wind chimes with your fingertips.
SPOKESWOMAN: (Dazed) Okay.
DRONE MICHAEL raises an eyebrow but says nothing further. Five minutes are quickly filled with the cleaning of tables, the washing of glasses, and the removing of nozzles. When the allotted time has passed, the DRONES return to the table and remove all glasses, even the full ones, without a word of complaint. The ANNOYING CUSTOMERS leave.
SPOKESWOMAN: Goodnight!
DRONE MICHAEL: Cheers. Have a pleasant evening.
He turns to DRONE SAM, who is looking confused.
DRONE MICHAEL: (Awestruck stage-whisper) My God...it works.
***
I now heartily recommend the usage of the Magician's Nod in everything you do. Other half not putting out? Simply make a suggestive suggestion and be sure to nod your head just a little as you do. Wanting a pay rise? Just approach your boss and very casually let the nod do the rest. Whatever the situation and whatever it is you need, all you have to do is know how to use the universal gesture of affirmation in a very subtle way. Yes, you too can be MAGIC.
I only hope they don't fire me for making such potentially dangerous knowledge available to the general public.
I thought I might dedicate yet another blog entry to the wonderful, wonderful leaflets and posters that are aimed at the staff of my current employers, Toby. Indeed, I was perusing one particular poster during a cigarette break today and found myself somewhat puzzled by a request that I use the 'Magician's Nod'.
The what?
Of course, I immediately sought out drone-director Steve in order to ask him about this strange phrase. Being rather hot on the vagaries of Toby's weird customer service terminology, he immediately located a print-out on the very subject. So...for the benefit of those that have never visited a Toby Carvery, I now intend to reveal to you one of its most closely-guarded secrets.
When offering customers drinks or food in any establishment, staff are trained in the arts of both suggestive selling ("would you like some wine with your main course?") and up-selling ("Can I interest you in a larger glass? It works out cheaper"). These techniques benefit profits in a rather obvious way, but they aren't always effective, especially when dealing with regulars. This is where the Magician's Nod comes in. You see, offering a customer that 350ml glass of wine is all well and good, but if you offer it whilst engaging in a subtle nodding gesture, they're more likely to go for it.
I'm not even close to joking. Really. There is no doubt in my mind that the ultra-futuristic psychology department of Toby has spent many thousands of pounds and hours in figuring out that this little trick, this cunning incline of chin toward chest, is irresistible to even the most cynical of customers. Indeed, so powerful is this nod, that they could only refer to it as MAGIC.
What could I do but try it out? You see, every Sunday night, we have a group of customers that stay beyond their welcome and simply will not leave until a manager comes out and tells them that they're breaking the law and will be barred from the premises unless they depart post-haste. If the Magician's Nod can make people do things they might not be inclined to do otherwise, I reasoned, then why not give it a whirl with these fuckers? After all, I had nothing to lose.
***
INT. TOBY CARVERY - CLOSING TIME.
The bar is empty. DRONE SAM is cleaning tables whilst DRONE MICHAEL runs glasses through the washer and occasionally glances over at a table in the far corner, where six ANNOYING CUSTOMERS are still seated before full glasses. It is ten-to-eleven, and time they were leaving. DRONE MICHAEL glances at DRONE SAM and she purses her lips to indicate that she shares his displeasure. On this particular Sunday night, though, DRONE MICHAEL has a plan.
The camera stays with our hero as he makes his way across the bar and approaches the ANNOYING CUSTOMERS. Their SPOKESWOMAN looks up when she sees him coming.
SPOKESWOMAN: Oh, here he comes...
There is general laughter amongst the ANNOYING CUSTOMERS.
DRONE MICHAEL: (Firm yet polite) I'm sorry, guys, I can only give you five more minutes and then I'm coming for your glasses, so can you be finishing up, please?
DRONE MICHAEL punctuates his words with a subtle yet very definite nodding of his head. In the silence of the bar, we hear a background noise not unlike that you might get if you were to just barely brush a set of wind chimes with your fingertips.
SPOKESWOMAN: (Dazed) Okay.
DRONE MICHAEL raises an eyebrow but says nothing further. Five minutes are quickly filled with the cleaning of tables, the washing of glasses, and the removing of nozzles. When the allotted time has passed, the DRONES return to the table and remove all glasses, even the full ones, without a word of complaint. The ANNOYING CUSTOMERS leave.
SPOKESWOMAN: Goodnight!
DRONE MICHAEL: Cheers. Have a pleasant evening.
He turns to DRONE SAM, who is looking confused.
DRONE MICHAEL: (Awestruck stage-whisper) My God...it works.
***
I now heartily recommend the usage of the Magician's Nod in everything you do. Other half not putting out? Simply make a suggestive suggestion and be sure to nod your head just a little as you do. Wanting a pay rise? Just approach your boss and very casually let the nod do the rest. Whatever the situation and whatever it is you need, all you have to do is know how to use the universal gesture of affirmation in a very subtle way. Yes, you too can be MAGIC.
I only hope they don't fire me for making such potentially dangerous knowledge available to the general public.
posted by Michael at 7:21 PM
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