My Parents Are Aliens
"I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life."
Talk has turned to Christmas here at home, specifically what I'm going to buy parent and pseudo-parent this year. Mum asked me what I wanted last week, and I - knowing how she is with anything that has a name she might not remember - provided a handwritten list. But is my job ever that easy? Yeah, right.
Cut To...
INT. LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING.
MUM and STEVE are sitting on the sofa, having just come in from their regular Saturday shopping trip. MICHAEL is lurking off-camera, contemplating dinner.
MUM: Michael?
MICHAEL enters the room looking like he's just got out of bed, mainly because he has. Both parents look up with barely-concealed disapproval.
MICHAEL: Uh-huh?
STEVE: (Holding up a mobile phone) I just bought your mum a phone for Christmas.
MICHAEL: (Attempting enthusiasm) Cool.
MUM: I thought maybe the new Bridget Jones, or that one with the monster.
MICHAEL stares blankly at her. STEVE continues to play with the phone.
MICHAEL: Eh?
MUM: If it's out by Christmas. The monster one is.
MICHAEL: I have no idea what you're talking about right now. You're scaring me.
MUM: Christmas.
MICHAEL: Gift ideas? Okay. The new Bridget Jones only just came out. What monster?
MUM: The green monster. That film. It's got that funny man in it. The...g....g...
MICHAEL: (Spectacularly confused) The Grinch?
MUM AND STEVE: Yes!
MICHAEL: The Jim Carrey flick?
MUM: Right. It's part 2.
MICHAEL: Um...I don't think there's a sequel to that movie. Maybe some straight to video thing...
There is a lengthy silence while MUM and STEVE try to say something MICHAEL understands. The boy himself stares into space, trying to think of any other green things besides The Grinch and The Incredible Hulk.
STEVE: (Suddenly inspired) You know, it's got that donkey in it.
MICHAEL: Shrek?
MUM AND STEVE: Yes!
MICHAEL: I'd feel a lot more confident if you didn't do that every time I suggested something. (He takes a deep breath) Just to confirm, you want Shrek 2 on DVD for Christmas. That would be Shrek 2 as in the animated feature starring Mike Myers, who was in the Austin Powers movies, Cameron Diaz, who was in the Charlie's Angel's movies, and Eddie Murphy, who used to be funny. Right?
MUM: Unless you can get the new Bridget Jones.
MICHAEL: (Speaking VERY slowly) It...isn't...out...yet.
STEVE: (Staring at the phone) How do you open this?
MICHAEL puts an imaginary pistol to his temple, cocks it, and pulls the trigger.
FADE OUT.
Talk has turned to Christmas here at home, specifically what I'm going to buy parent and pseudo-parent this year. Mum asked me what I wanted last week, and I - knowing how she is with anything that has a name she might not remember - provided a handwritten list. But is my job ever that easy? Yeah, right.
Cut To...
INT. LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING.
MUM and STEVE are sitting on the sofa, having just come in from their regular Saturday shopping trip. MICHAEL is lurking off-camera, contemplating dinner.
MUM: Michael?
MICHAEL enters the room looking like he's just got out of bed, mainly because he has. Both parents look up with barely-concealed disapproval.
MICHAEL: Uh-huh?
STEVE: (Holding up a mobile phone) I just bought your mum a phone for Christmas.
MICHAEL: (Attempting enthusiasm) Cool.
MUM: I thought maybe the new Bridget Jones, or that one with the monster.
MICHAEL stares blankly at her. STEVE continues to play with the phone.
MICHAEL: Eh?
MUM: If it's out by Christmas. The monster one is.
MICHAEL: I have no idea what you're talking about right now. You're scaring me.
MUM: Christmas.
MICHAEL: Gift ideas? Okay. The new Bridget Jones only just came out. What monster?
MUM: The green monster. That film. It's got that funny man in it. The...g....g...
MICHAEL: (Spectacularly confused) The Grinch?
MUM AND STEVE: Yes!
MICHAEL: The Jim Carrey flick?
MUM: Right. It's part 2.
MICHAEL: Um...I don't think there's a sequel to that movie. Maybe some straight to video thing...
There is a lengthy silence while MUM and STEVE try to say something MICHAEL understands. The boy himself stares into space, trying to think of any other green things besides The Grinch and The Incredible Hulk.
STEVE: (Suddenly inspired) You know, it's got that donkey in it.
MICHAEL: Shrek?
MUM AND STEVE: Yes!
MICHAEL: I'd feel a lot more confident if you didn't do that every time I suggested something. (He takes a deep breath) Just to confirm, you want Shrek 2 on DVD for Christmas. That would be Shrek 2 as in the animated feature starring Mike Myers, who was in the Austin Powers movies, Cameron Diaz, who was in the Charlie's Angel's movies, and Eddie Murphy, who used to be funny. Right?
MUM: Unless you can get the new Bridget Jones.
MICHAEL: (Speaking VERY slowly) It...isn't...out...yet.
STEVE: (Staring at the phone) How do you open this?
MICHAEL puts an imaginary pistol to his temple, cocks it, and pulls the trigger.
FADE OUT.
posted by Michael at 9:22 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home