Doctored, Strange Love (Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The 'Net) - Part Two
"I guess I should be one to talk, there's nights that I can't even walk. There's days I couldn't give a fuck, and in between is where I'm stuck"
My first experience of 'online romance' came at the hands of a girl who jumped all over me before I'd even noticed her. I'm not going to mention any real names, but she adopted the username of PoetryLady, sort of a tribute to my HappyHarry moniker. I was really flattered by the attention, and I found her easy to talk to. In fact, we got along famously. I never saw any future in it, though, and I certainly never saw it in the same light as I saw real life flirting. It was a game to me. It was fun.
PoetryLady didn't see things the same way. We'd swapped pictures and - in keeping with my honesty policy as regards the blog - I didn't find her at all physically appealing. Realising that there was at least a possibility that she was taking the whole thing a lot more seriously than I was, I began to distance myself, an action that only served to fuel her pursuit of me. Finally, after weeks of stilted chatting and an atmosphere that was affecting the entire room, I told PoetryLady the whole truth about how I saw our 'relationship'. She told me that I was making her cry. I felt like a manipulative bastard, despite the fact I was also sure I'd been nothing but honest.
And there, I think, is everything that's stupid and pointless and wrong with people that take internet relationships seriously. Yes, it's a great way to meet new people, but until you know them in real life, it's just a fantasy.
Steffi and Alun, two friends I did make over the internet, came to stay with me not long after that. The little clique that dominated the Rainbow Room had fallen apart, but Steffi had come over from Germany and I was still in touch with Alun via Messenger. The three of us went bowling and then spent an evening at my house, where we shot the breeze for a while and found that our real-life conversations were nowhere near as much fun as those we'd shared over the internet. I still exchange e-mails with Alun about once a year, just to see how he's doing. I have no idea where Steffi is.
After the weirdness with PoetryLady, I stayed away from the internet for a while, worried that my experience would repeat itself. Boredom drew me back in after a couple of months, though, this time to the brave new world of MSN chat.
I was a newbie again, but I was a little more prepared this time. I knew what all the little acronyms meant, and my constant writing practice was improving my typing all the time. Under my new username, NeonExile, I found I was able to stand out from the crowd again. In a matter of days, I'd relapsed.
After surfing various rooms for a period of several weeks, I settled into a chat called Movies. I was working in a cinema, and I loved film, so it seemed like a logical place to go. I made new online friends, and pretty soon I was a fixture.
It was through that initial foray into MSN chat that I met Ray, Ana, and Jammie. Ray is linked from this very page, Ana makes up one quarter of J.A.R.T., the evil masterminds behind Softcore Sewing Circle: Season One, and Jammie can be found commenting on these very pages. These relationships, as you can see, have been far more enduring. In fact, the first time I chatted to Ray was over three years ago. We've only met twice, but on the first of those occasions, I had to be dragged semi-conscious from a pub. On the second, I had to half-carry Ray to a waiting cab. We've stayed apart for our own continuing health.
Ray met Ana at the same time and in the same place I did. Now she lives over here and they're married. On particularly dark nights, I still get jealous of that jammy bastard.
Jammie came over from Oklahoma to England in the summer of last year. I helped in her planning and even went on a brief tour of London hostelries to find her a place to stay. When she finally got here, it was me that met her off the plane. The following two weeks ruled, and plans are already being formed for many more kinds of Anglo-American cultural interplay.
But before all that, and as a counter-argument against the PoetryLady experience, I fell in love.
You see, me and Beckie never meant to get into any kind of relationship. It just happened. She was in Liverpool and I was in London. A mutual (online) friend had enlisted the pair of us to help him with a short film he was making. In the weeks preceding her visit, we started chatting a lot more than we had before (we were both regular visitors to the Movies room) and suddenly discovered that we had chemistry to spare. Of course, neither of us mentioned this, but it was obvious enough.
When we finally met in a dingy Ealing pub, we were sat together for maybe half an hour before we were all over each other, much to the consternation of our drinking companions. We shot the film, I took Beckie out the next night, and we agreed to meet up for further adventures.
Those further adventures turned into a two-year relationship. And while I'm no longer with Beckie, that's the longest and most satisfying relationship I've ever had.
And those, I think, are examples of why the internet is so fantastic. So long as you don't get hung up on people you haven't actually met, so long as you understand that the internet is all about masks and barriers and secrets, you really can meet new people. You really can develop fascinating and enduring friendships.
Yes, I have had further bad experiences with the internet over the years. In fact, the bad probably outweigh the good. But that's the drawback of the medium. It's easy for people to lie, even if they're not lying maliciously. You can't see facial expressions and you can't read body language. And somehow, when people you're starting to trust or at least like online start going behind your back or lying to you, it's worse then real-life. I think in real-life, some part of us at least has an idea when somebody isn't telling the truth, especially if we know that person.
The other thing is that there are a lot of desperate and unhappy people out there. You don't meet them down the pub because they don't go down the pub. But on the internet, you can be anybody you choose and go pretty much wherever you like. That's why the internet has the reputation it has and why you come across so many freaks and dickheads and people that are so obviously deeply lonely and miserable that it makes me want to cry.
It's a world, this internet thing, but it's not the world. For that, you need to look outside your window instead of logging on to Windows. But if you take it as it comes, with all the freaks, weirdos, arseholes, fakers, and arrogant pricks...not to mention the viruses, spyware, pop-ups, redirects, and javascripts...well, you'll probably meet at least a couple of people you'll be proud to call your friends.
I don't worry about it anymore. I've been here a while, and I know what I'm doing. I communicate with all the people I possibly can and then see what happens. If it all goes wrong, well, the block button was invented for a reason, right?
Happy surfing, kids, and if you happen to bump into a NeonExile at some point in your travels, say hi. I'm not a weirdo.
Honest.
My first experience of 'online romance' came at the hands of a girl who jumped all over me before I'd even noticed her. I'm not going to mention any real names, but she adopted the username of PoetryLady, sort of a tribute to my HappyHarry moniker. I was really flattered by the attention, and I found her easy to talk to. In fact, we got along famously. I never saw any future in it, though, and I certainly never saw it in the same light as I saw real life flirting. It was a game to me. It was fun.
PoetryLady didn't see things the same way. We'd swapped pictures and - in keeping with my honesty policy as regards the blog - I didn't find her at all physically appealing. Realising that there was at least a possibility that she was taking the whole thing a lot more seriously than I was, I began to distance myself, an action that only served to fuel her pursuit of me. Finally, after weeks of stilted chatting and an atmosphere that was affecting the entire room, I told PoetryLady the whole truth about how I saw our 'relationship'. She told me that I was making her cry. I felt like a manipulative bastard, despite the fact I was also sure I'd been nothing but honest.
And there, I think, is everything that's stupid and pointless and wrong with people that take internet relationships seriously. Yes, it's a great way to meet new people, but until you know them in real life, it's just a fantasy.
Steffi and Alun, two friends I did make over the internet, came to stay with me not long after that. The little clique that dominated the Rainbow Room had fallen apart, but Steffi had come over from Germany and I was still in touch with Alun via Messenger. The three of us went bowling and then spent an evening at my house, where we shot the breeze for a while and found that our real-life conversations were nowhere near as much fun as those we'd shared over the internet. I still exchange e-mails with Alun about once a year, just to see how he's doing. I have no idea where Steffi is.
After the weirdness with PoetryLady, I stayed away from the internet for a while, worried that my experience would repeat itself. Boredom drew me back in after a couple of months, though, this time to the brave new world of MSN chat.
I was a newbie again, but I was a little more prepared this time. I knew what all the little acronyms meant, and my constant writing practice was improving my typing all the time. Under my new username, NeonExile, I found I was able to stand out from the crowd again. In a matter of days, I'd relapsed.
After surfing various rooms for a period of several weeks, I settled into a chat called Movies. I was working in a cinema, and I loved film, so it seemed like a logical place to go. I made new online friends, and pretty soon I was a fixture.
It was through that initial foray into MSN chat that I met Ray, Ana, and Jammie. Ray is linked from this very page, Ana makes up one quarter of J.A.R.T., the evil masterminds behind Softcore Sewing Circle: Season One, and Jammie can be found commenting on these very pages. These relationships, as you can see, have been far more enduring. In fact, the first time I chatted to Ray was over three years ago. We've only met twice, but on the first of those occasions, I had to be dragged semi-conscious from a pub. On the second, I had to half-carry Ray to a waiting cab. We've stayed apart for our own continuing health.
Ray met Ana at the same time and in the same place I did. Now she lives over here and they're married. On particularly dark nights, I still get jealous of that jammy bastard.
Jammie came over from Oklahoma to England in the summer of last year. I helped in her planning and even went on a brief tour of London hostelries to find her a place to stay. When she finally got here, it was me that met her off the plane. The following two weeks ruled, and plans are already being formed for many more kinds of Anglo-American cultural interplay.
But before all that, and as a counter-argument against the PoetryLady experience, I fell in love.
You see, me and Beckie never meant to get into any kind of relationship. It just happened. She was in Liverpool and I was in London. A mutual (online) friend had enlisted the pair of us to help him with a short film he was making. In the weeks preceding her visit, we started chatting a lot more than we had before (we were both regular visitors to the Movies room) and suddenly discovered that we had chemistry to spare. Of course, neither of us mentioned this, but it was obvious enough.
When we finally met in a dingy Ealing pub, we were sat together for maybe half an hour before we were all over each other, much to the consternation of our drinking companions. We shot the film, I took Beckie out the next night, and we agreed to meet up for further adventures.
Those further adventures turned into a two-year relationship. And while I'm no longer with Beckie, that's the longest and most satisfying relationship I've ever had.
And those, I think, are examples of why the internet is so fantastic. So long as you don't get hung up on people you haven't actually met, so long as you understand that the internet is all about masks and barriers and secrets, you really can meet new people. You really can develop fascinating and enduring friendships.
Yes, I have had further bad experiences with the internet over the years. In fact, the bad probably outweigh the good. But that's the drawback of the medium. It's easy for people to lie, even if they're not lying maliciously. You can't see facial expressions and you can't read body language. And somehow, when people you're starting to trust or at least like online start going behind your back or lying to you, it's worse then real-life. I think in real-life, some part of us at least has an idea when somebody isn't telling the truth, especially if we know that person.
The other thing is that there are a lot of desperate and unhappy people out there. You don't meet them down the pub because they don't go down the pub. But on the internet, you can be anybody you choose and go pretty much wherever you like. That's why the internet has the reputation it has and why you come across so many freaks and dickheads and people that are so obviously deeply lonely and miserable that it makes me want to cry.
It's a world, this internet thing, but it's not the world. For that, you need to look outside your window instead of logging on to Windows. But if you take it as it comes, with all the freaks, weirdos, arseholes, fakers, and arrogant pricks...not to mention the viruses, spyware, pop-ups, redirects, and javascripts...well, you'll probably meet at least a couple of people you'll be proud to call your friends.
I don't worry about it anymore. I've been here a while, and I know what I'm doing. I communicate with all the people I possibly can and then see what happens. If it all goes wrong, well, the block button was invented for a reason, right?
Happy surfing, kids, and if you happen to bump into a NeonExile at some point in your travels, say hi. I'm not a weirdo.
Honest.
posted by Michael at 1:19 PM
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