Child Of The Strange

"It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top."

I wonder what makes the Blogger people think that I actually read their front page. Then again, maybe they knew. Maybe it was a warning.

"Don't fuck with us, newbie," they were probably saying. "You'll read our front page, or you'll get some more of this."

This being the sheer horror of going to post a very lengthy essay I wrote last night and finding that the server was closed for maintenance.

The essay was called The Politics Of Weakness, and it combined the best of my socio-political thought with the worst of my drunken rambling. It was, I thought, an excellent little piece of work. And now I don't seem to able to retrieve it. 4,000 words. 4,000 good words. Gone. Bastards.

If I get bored enough later, I may make an attempt to replicate that essay. But don't hold your breath.

Onward, my friends, onward...

Something strange is happening to my sinuses. No, really. I've had sinus problems for many years, but nothing like what I'm currently going through. For example, I woke up this afternoon to what sounded like some kind of CREAKING going on inside my head. This noise was accompanied by a sensation I would imagine is quite similar to what you'd feel if you were at the dentist's and the assistant tripped up and that sucky tube they use to dry out your mouth went straight up your nose and stabbed you in the brain...and it was still switched on.

This went on for a couple of minutes, and then there was a loud pop. Again, this was only inside my head. It didn't hurt, but I did feel very disoriented and strange. After all, I'd suddenly developed SUPER-HEARING. That's right, from what appear to be regulation ears, I now have the ability to hear a fly rubbing its legs together from several miles away.

Clearly, my sinuses must have been blocked before. Blocked for so long, in fact, that not being able to hear had become normal. Weird.

Other news? Why not?

My grandfather's funeral is tomorrow, and my entire family has officially gone insane, particularly my mum. She seems almost hysterically normal, if that makes any sense. She's Soap Opera Normal, and it's beginning to freak me out.

Mum: "I suggested Garston. I remember it from when your dad died. It was such a nice place?"
Me: "Nice? It's a fucking crematorium."

That was a couple of days ago. This next's one's from just now.

Mum: "I'm going to the chapel of rest with Sheena [My aunt and, obviously, the queen of the jungle]. Do you want to come?"
Me: (Low-level horror) No.
Mum: "Okay. We went yesterday, you know. He doesn't look too bad. Some of them don't look very good."
Me: "If you went yesterday, why are you going...again...wait a minute...THEM? Spend a lot of time around corpses, do you?"
Mum: (Absently) I was a nurse, Michael. They said his mouth was open when he died and it stayed that way. Sheena says it's closed now. I wonder if they broke his jaw."
Me: (Look of pure fear...mouth partially open and emitting a low, keening wail.)

Yeah, my mum's gone fruitloop alright. I'm sort of hoping she'll return to normal after tomorrow. I'm sort of hoping everything will. It's going to be an EVIL time. I hate church, I hate funerals, I don't get on with most of my extended family, I have absolutely no desire to return to the place where I watched my father cremated, and my aunts are planning to end the service with the Mariah Carey song, Hero. If they do this, I WILL start laughing. I won't be able to help myself.

Oh, and I actually got my hair cut today. Joy and rapture.

Possibility of political screeds in this location later on. Probability of amusing funeral stories and stoic recollections tomorrow.

You know you want it, you filthy bitches.