Twisted Sunshine Dreams
Nearly 6am and time's passing in slow motion. This computer screen is burning itself into my retinas. I dream of it sometimes. Write and surf the 'net all night and then have nightmares about doing it when I actually get to sleep.
And I sleep rarely these days. My insomnia's getting worse. Sometimes I just sit up all night and then don't go to bed at all. I hide under my blankets as the sun comes up and lie there thinking about the stuff I would do today if I didn't sleep through it. This bugs me. I like my dark existence, but not many services cater for the casual insomniac. Sometimes I need to get my hair cut or pay some money into the bank or buy CDs or whatever. Can't do this stuff at night. I get to thinking about how my hair is developing a life of its own. I get to thinking about just how much I want to buy some old Fiona Apple CD. Finally, I get out of bed and go out.
Any insomniacs out there ever do that? It's a fucked up thing. The daylight world takes on a whole new look when painted in shades of insomnia. It's too bright. Everything seems to move too slowly. You stare at things like you're stoned. You have to concentrate to understand, and just when you think you've grasped it, you realise that your brain's run on ahead of you and you've actually unconsciously analysed and processed the thing already. A simple thing like a McDonald's logo suddenly becomes something to be feared, a focus for some hate you lack the coherence to define.
My sleeping troubles make me drink. It balances me out, chemically speaking. Jack Daniel is my best friend when I'm all fucked up and spun out. He shows me the way back to synchronicity, gets my head to where my body is so that I can feel whole again.
Tired now. Really tired. No rest last night and a long day on top of it. I think I might even sleep. Hooray. More twisted sunshine dreams of darkness and monitor-light.
Or maybe not. The hair monster is raging out of control and may devour me while I sleep. This would be bad, I think. Maybe I should take a zombie shuffle over to the hairdressers before the sun steals the last of my sense.
Then again, maybe I should just get some fucking sleep.
Right.
And I sleep rarely these days. My insomnia's getting worse. Sometimes I just sit up all night and then don't go to bed at all. I hide under my blankets as the sun comes up and lie there thinking about the stuff I would do today if I didn't sleep through it. This bugs me. I like my dark existence, but not many services cater for the casual insomniac. Sometimes I need to get my hair cut or pay some money into the bank or buy CDs or whatever. Can't do this stuff at night. I get to thinking about how my hair is developing a life of its own. I get to thinking about just how much I want to buy some old Fiona Apple CD. Finally, I get out of bed and go out.
Any insomniacs out there ever do that? It's a fucked up thing. The daylight world takes on a whole new look when painted in shades of insomnia. It's too bright. Everything seems to move too slowly. You stare at things like you're stoned. You have to concentrate to understand, and just when you think you've grasped it, you realise that your brain's run on ahead of you and you've actually unconsciously analysed and processed the thing already. A simple thing like a McDonald's logo suddenly becomes something to be feared, a focus for some hate you lack the coherence to define.
My sleeping troubles make me drink. It balances me out, chemically speaking. Jack Daniel is my best friend when I'm all fucked up and spun out. He shows me the way back to synchronicity, gets my head to where my body is so that I can feel whole again.
Tired now. Really tired. No rest last night and a long day on top of it. I think I might even sleep. Hooray. More twisted sunshine dreams of darkness and monitor-light.
Or maybe not. The hair monster is raging out of control and may devour me while I sleep. This would be bad, I think. Maybe I should take a zombie shuffle over to the hairdressers before the sun steals the last of my sense.
Then again, maybe I should just get some fucking sleep.
Right.
posted by Michael at 12:53 PM
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